Its been a super tough-tough-tough day for me lately . I could never imagine even in my wildest dream about this . Tapi apa boleh buat , ajal dan maut ditangan Allah . Sampai sekarang , I'm still in a very terrible shock ! Saya sendiri tidak percaya that I've lost my most beloved father T.T Dah seminggu dah Daddy pergi menyahut seruan Ilahi . *AL-FATIHAH*
Semua ni diluar jangkaan semua orang . Semua terkejut and for sure , saya peling sedih tengok my Mummy . Dia still nangis time malam and when she's on the phone with her friends . Saya kesian Mummy . So macam semua orang bagitau saya , I have to be the toughest and must pretend that I'm okay . But only Allah knows how its killing me so bad inside . Tiap masa , saya rasa macam mau menangiss , meraungg and all . I dont even think that I could go back to old self macam dulu . Happy go lucky *PERASAN* , too friendly and suka ketawa . Sekarang , macam semua tu sudah tiada and if ada pun , its all fake *ISWEAR* Kadang-kadang saya rasa macam tiada harapan sudah mau hidup , dulu benda ni happens dekat my friends and all saya just mampu nasihat and hope they'll move on . Tapi bila it happens to me sekarang , now I knew how hard it be in this shoes . Tapi , sekarang ni , my beautiful Mummy , my brother and all my big family lah pemangkin semangat saya untuk terus hidup . Serious , its not easy and never will . Daddy left us so sudden and sampai sekarang saya belum percaya . Saya anggap jak daddy sekarang ni sedang outstation macam selalu and one day dia akan balik . But I dont know when is that ONE DAY :'( I really really miss him .
Daddy ada sakit . He suffered a heart problem . Dia sudah angiogram on the early month of February and my Daddy was a strong man . He managed to go through the operation and the next day he was be able to be sent home already :) I'm so proud of him . Time kat rumah , Daddy banyak berehat . Kami pergi open house lagi , on Chinese New Year's eve , kami ada buat family gathering as we used to dekat rumah my aunty aka my Dad's sister di Kg Bakut Nongkolud Tuaran , Sabah *SODETAILLOL* Then malam tu Daddy happy sangat , he ate his favourite dishes and kami semua laughed at our stupid jokes and telling stories and about 12 O'clock kami balik sebab Daddy have to take his medicines . So kami pun balik . Then sampai rumah kami tengok TV lagi . Komen-komen tu movie and all . So the next moring kami pergi rumah my aunty yang semalam tu sebab ada open house . Semua heran kenapa kami buat open house one the 1st day of Chinese New Year sebab we usually buat on the 4th or 5th . Tapi time tu memang tida syak anything lagi . So the next day macam hari-hari biasa . Cuma bukan macam hari kami selalunya dekat KK , usually kami pegy SHOPPINGGG 24 JAM . Tapi this time , kami banyak spent masa dekat rumah . Sebab Daddy banyak tidur , dia kan penat :'/ So bila malam baru kami one family jalan pegy One Borneo kami tengok wayang one family T.T Sebab Daddy cakap dia tau kami boring di rumah the whole day . So , from Monday till Thursday we kept doing the same routines . Kami pegi breakfast pagi then balik rumah Daddy tidur sampai petang malam baru jalan . Ferry kami balik Labuan hari Jumaat jam 8 pagi . So kami kena jalan awal pegy Menumbok . Around 3 am tu kami jalan . Time Daddy tukar baju tu , rantai dia putus . Then sana saya macam tsentak sikit tapi saya buat biasa jak . So the whole 3 hours on road mummy and daddy ganti-ganti drviving . While my brother tidur and I'm with my MP3 . Saya pun pelik time tu , daddy marah-marah saja . Semuaa tidak kena di mata dia . Tp kami semua pun steady saja lah . Sampai kat rumah (Labuan) Mummy pegy bilik saya dia cakap daddy xmau pegy clinic sebab dia ada appointment dengan doctor . So 30 minutes macam tu , my adik bagitau yang my dad dah ready mau jalan . Then my mum suru kami stay rumah kasi bersih rumah . Bila dorang dah balik around 4 macam tu , saya sama akeem di depan pintu sambut dorang balik (VERY ODD) then daddy cakap "Girl boleh kerja sudah di Parkson , sebab doctor cakap daddy okay suda" Then saya cakap I dont want sebab I rather stay dekat rumah *HAKHAKS* LOL -//-
So bila saya naik pegy bilik online . Tiba-tiba mummy masuk bilik dia cakap Daddy mau mandi so bercerita lah kami . Tidak sampai 5 minutes , saya keluar bilik and pegy master room mau cari potong kuku . Then bila saya masuk tu bilik its so hot ! Saya heran why daddy tak on kipas or aircond . And , jantung saya serious tercabut and I'm lost with words bila I saw blood in the toilet . Then saya pegy my room and I told my mum . Then mummy teriak2 suruh my adik ambil tukul . And kasi pecah tu pintu . My dad was unconcious that time . And my mum nangis-nangis suruh call ambulance . Then bila dah call , SAYA TERANGKAN SATU PERSATU ALAMAT KAMI .
"I NEED AN AMBULANCE NOW ! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY . C18 TAMAN PERUMAHAN RANCA-RANCA..."
Saya call tu dua kali mau bagitau alamat sebab my Mum can barely talk that time . So , operator tu balik-balik cakap ON THE WAY ! Macam lah rumah kami tu 10 jam baru sampai . And my mum nangis-nangis and said "Mana ambulance ? Daddy masi ada nadi lagi" OMG , bila teringat balik time tu rasa macam my heart kena siat-siat then kena tuang garam ok *HIPERBOLA* Tp seriously it kills me . Then ramai sudah staff daddy datang , my neighbors datang di luar TAPI AMBULANCE BELUM JUGA DATANG . F-est moment -.- Kami mau hantar pegi hosp but that stupid ambulance cakap on the way on the way . ON THE WAY HOTAK KAU ! And saya tak pernah call orang marah-marah teriak2 macam tu . Tapi siapa indaa gila time-time mcm tu kan ? Then bila ambulance datang 50 MINUTES LEPAS KENA CALL . I repeat ,
LIMA PULUH MINUTES !
Then my mum marah dia cakap "Saya sudah check dia ,CPR and all , kamu inda payah check ! Kenapa kamu lambat ?! Ambil stretcher now !" Then orang tu pun thegeh-hegeh lagi . Then my mum pegy ikut ambulance while saya di rumah kemas rumah and all . And receiving phone calls from semua orang *BAJETFEMES* LOL-.- Then about 30 minutes later ,my Uncle suru kami tukar baju and ikut dia pegy hosp . Dalam kereta tu , my uncle cakap "Walau apa pun tjadi , terima saja k ? Ada hikmah semua ni" and time tu memang saya dah rasa lain and I started to cry so so bad . Bila sampai hospital , kami pegy wad emergency and I saw my mum crying . And my aunty who was on duty at that time hugged me and said "Sabar k girl?" Then my mum hugged me and cry so bad . My heart was pumping so fast and when I saw behind the curtain was my dad . I ran towards my dad and I saw he was so pale and then I knew . The only words that came from my mouth was "Daddy tiada sudah ?" Then my aunty hugged me and suruh saya banyak sabar . And by then , I knew that I've lost my father . Not for 10 years or 100 years but forever . Ya Allah , ujian ni terlalu berat for me and I dont know berapa lama saya boleh bertahan . OMG , kesian adik saya , baru form 2 and my mum pun . Serious , I never type and cry like this .
"ALLAH SAYANG KEPADA HAMBANYA YANG TIDAK MENYALAHKAN TAKDIR.."
I'm speechless and entah lah . Its so hard for me . Luckily I have my awesome families and friends with me . I am the luckiest person on earth for having them in my life . I dont know what else to say and FYI , there's so much to tell ! Tapi I cant even stand myself with this sobbing and tears so maybe on one fine day I'll share it here .
To all readers , sedekahkan Al-Fatihah to my beloved Daddy . He's in peace now . InshaAllah :)
To my daddy : I dont know if you'll be able to read this but I miss you and I love you no matter what . There's so much I haven't tell you or even do to you . There's so many more and semua tu tak kesampaian kan ? Its too early for you to leave us . Tapi semua ni takdir Allah and there's nothing I can do about it . Daddy , may your soul rest in peace and I promise saya akan selalu doakan daddy . And I'll take care of mummy as best as I could . Your dream , I'll make it come true . InshaAllah . Wait for us and inshaAllah one day we'll meet again . The four of us . I really-really miss you . With love , your daughter .
